♥ 

How long will this last, this delicious feeling of being alive?

But I was already a step ahead. I didn't trust anyone: not for directions, not for rides, not for advice either. Sure, it sucked to be lost, but I long ago realized that I preferred it to depending on anyone else to get me where I needed to go. That was the thing about being alone, in theory or in principle. Whatever happened - good, bad, or anywhere in between - it was always, if nothing else, your own.

I want so badly to believe that there is truth, that love is real. And I want life in every word, to the extent that it's absurd.

Some people can just move on, you know. They mourn and cry and then they're done with it or at least appear to be. But to me, I don't know. I didn't want to fix it; I didn't want to forget it. It wasn't something that was broken, it was just something that happened. And I'm finding ways, everyday, of working around it. I'm respecting and remembering it, but I'm getting along with my life at the same time.

I hope you're happy and completely lonely.

do not lose heart
we were made for these times.

♥

People are fragile things. You should know by now. Be careful what you put them through.

They called what had happened to them 'near-death experiences.' And they talked about how amazing it was to know what death was like and still be able to live. I feel like I'm having a near-life experience, like I used to be alive and I know what that's like but now I'm doing something else. I don't want to die or anything. I just feel like I'm not as alive as I used to be."

More than anything, all I have ever wanted is to be close to someone. More than anything, all I have ever wanted is to feel as if I wasn't alone.

You're desperate in finding something else to please you. You've been searching your whole life. Something to mute, change or just distract you. Something to put inside you to give the illusion of life.

I have lost something. I'm not exactly sure what it is but I know I didn't always feel this sedated. But you know what? It's never too late to get it back.

And yet, I found I could survive. I was alert, I felt the pain - the aching loss that radiated out from my chest, sending wracking waves of hurt through my limbs and my head - but it was manageable. I could live through it. It didn't feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I'd grown strong enough to bear it.

A minute of perfection was worth the effort.
A moment was the most you could ever expect from perfection.

♥

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